hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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