just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
