You can't motorboat a personality
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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