you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's blow job season.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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