4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
