well I can't set my house on fire every night
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
