Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
