Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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