I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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