im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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