bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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