at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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