I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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