In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
