The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
