he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
