i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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