I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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