Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
