some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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