I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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