well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
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He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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