I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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