What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I need to calm my uterus...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
