his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
