That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
