I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude i'm inner monologue high
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
