well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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