You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
