so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
