you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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