she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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