Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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