I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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