Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
