who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
