She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
True college students do jello shots in the library
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
