Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize