What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
