Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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