yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
