Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The ass gains better be worth it
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