I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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