I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
