Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
