ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
