ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
