Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
