Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
