Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am naked and annoyed.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
