Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She's the barista slut.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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