I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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