We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
