do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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