I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
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all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
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The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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