dude i'm inner monologue high
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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