I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
