I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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