I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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