But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
