you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
