they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
bring money and cleavage
this will be a night to untag.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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