Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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