Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You pole danced in your parka.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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