If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
