Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
